Fecal Microbiota transplantation is the new way to make extra cash if you are s**t with money (excuse the pun). In a world seemingly plagued by an epidemic of chronic diseases and overall poor health, it’s evident that our collective well-being has taken a nosedive. We’re not just talking about a few extra pounds from overindulging at the buffet — oh no, it’s a full-blown health crisis that’s snowballing through generations faster than a marshmallow down a ski slope. And guess what? It’s all due to a tragic loss of our native host microbes that are supposed to be passed down like a prized family heirloom. This health fiasco isn’t merely causing a bit of discomfort; it’s leading to a circus of suffering and a parade of premature departures from this mortal coil, affecting both the young and old. But the ramifications extend beyond the individual, spiraling into a societal catastrophe when a vast majority can’t even function without groans and creaks. Fear not, for there is hope in the form of fecal microbiota transplants (FMT). Recent breakthroughs in microbiome research have given us a glimmer of hope in battling this colossal conundrum. The catch? The company Human Microbes is on a quest to find that elusive 0.1% of the population who have the guts (pun intended) to be high-quality stool donors and help humanity get back on its feet. Unlike other endeavors driven by dollar signs, their motivation is as pure as a mountain stream: fixing people and, by extension, society. We’re on the hunt for that rare 0.1% who meet the qualifications, ready to connect them with doctors, researchers, hospitals, clinical trials, and individuals to usher in a new era of gut-powered revival. Now, let’s talk logistics. Ever dreamt of being a stool donor on your own schedule? Well, dreams do come true! Human Microbes operate on a supply-and-demand basis, giving you the power to set your availability and prices. Want to be a daily donor? Sure thing! Too busy for daily contributions and fancy waiting for a grand clinical trial? You got it! they are flexible like a yogi in a rubber factory. In their relentless quest for the perfect donor, they have sifted through 26,000 potential candidates. Alas, finding a donor of the desired quality has been like searching for a needle in a haystack. So, they’ve upped the ante with their default price, offering a generous $500 for each stool sample (that’s a whopping $180,000 a year if you’re keeping track). But hey, if you believe your precious time and stools are worth more than that, set your own price. They need you more than a pot needs a lid! In conclusion, fellow Homo sapiens, Human Microbes invite you to become a part of the Stool Pigeon Initiative. Let’s not let this ‘gut-wrenching’ health crisis continue its rampage. Be the unsung hero, the beacon of hope, and let’s turn this ship around, one stool at a time.